On my own again ... what now?

Vacation in Macedonia felt SOOO good!!! Yet here we are, back to real life. We spend another couple of days together with my family and then my dearest boyfriend  packed up ALL of his stuff and left for Germany ... So this is it, I'm on my own again, trying to figure out where will I head to next.


I felt guilty for days about going on vacation when I have all these unfinished businesses at home, oh yes, I did! It nearly tore me appart to see my closest friend pack and leave, knowing he's not coming back - for years. Then slowly, things started moving around me so I made a step forward and moved on along with them. In that moment the guilt was gone, I did gain even more than I expected from macedonian time, I got the will to finish school back. Now that's a good start, isn't it?

On the other hand, I'm becoming more and more attracted by the idea of writing my final papers in Germany - just don't tell that to my parents yet, ok? ;) Anyway, I highly doubt that I could gather enough courage to get all my stuff together and leave to another country in search of a better opportunities. Temporarily, I don't have issues with that. Take ALL of my things and LEAVE for indefinite period, no, I don't have the guts for that. Yet ...


Is it better to invest more in your intellect and then let yourself be pushed around by more experienced and intellegent adults who haven't moved there behinds from on sit to another in decades? Or just get this basic dregree and then work in whatever you get a chance to really develop and prove yourself in, that is take whatever you get and built your way up with work instead of school?

Stay somewhere you know exactly how things move and don't like that way at all or start from scratch somewhere new where there might be better just as well as they might turn out to be far worse?

Thanks god I'm just a twenties girl and don't need to know answers to that. Soon enough I'll learn what I am to know.

In any case, we're all just students of life. Nobody really knows life - even less understands it. Fact. 

A promise is a promise

 Camomille in the city

 Unknown beauty

 Posing I

 Unknown whatever:)

Posing II

 Ohrid lake 

 Ohrid lake II

Herb

Packed up and left ...

Not for Germany though :) I couldn't decide for a long time when I realized that going on vacation after all this would actually mean putting myself first again. So I did the right thing, what my psychologist and my friends wanted me to do for a while now, packed up some stuff and leave on vacation - and I did it for ME.

It feels good, being abroad, not worrying about anyone or anything. It feels good to do what I want. It feels good to be a guest and be served to. It feels good to sit empty-headed simply enjoying the sun. Well, at least it felt good for the first couple of day, then the guilt came back onto my mind, I have to write a paper, I have to work on my final thesis, I have to work on the project, I have to do my job ... Arghh!!! When did those carefree years gone by?? I'm anything but old, I don't even think of myself as an adult, yet for last couple of years I have to count by hand every single time one asks me how old I am. How fast things change!

Oh well, I worry again about all the stupid little things that eat on our health every day but I having a blast. I LOVE to travel!!! I love to photograph - and I'll share some of my favorite pictures with you! :)

Moving ... to Germany?! :S

Gosh, I couldn't have never guessed something like this will happen! Last week, when I was already crazy nervous about an exam that I had to take, my darling boyfriend who's also one on my few friends I have here, at home, told me he's moving to Germany soon. He's been here for couple years now, a foreigner in my home country and now he's moving on.

He got this great opportunity to start on his own, have his own restaurant! It will be a huge adventure but it's an opportunity you grab in a second or let go and wait for years to get another one ... He's the kind of person who GRABS every opportunity he gets and moves on with optimism and smile on his face no matter what happens. I'm everything but that :)

Last couple of weeks he was all nervous and weird because he was waiting for this deal to closed and he didn't want to tell anyone about it until he was sure it'll work. Considering the difference between us ... we were fighting a lot for all possible stupid things in this time. Me, I was preparing to end the relationship. And then boom - he told me the news that explained everything and changed everything!

I'm supposed to be finishing my schooling at the university in autumn, I'm tired of what I'm going through here for last couple of months, fighting for a 'lost' cause on my own, I'm tired of my first boss at my first job, I'm tired of writing last two papers for school for weeks that turned into months ...

Gosh, you know, I've saved some money - enough for a one way ticket and couple of weeks - I want to leave with him!!! Finish my diploma there and then see what and where I want to go next ... do I have the guts to do it?