Multitasking gets to a whole new level with me in the formula

Have you ever complained about your work? Have you ever complained about your work the next day as well? And the day after? With my couple years of age and first job in hand for last couple of months my friends and family had to listen to my whining again and again. If I didn't complain it was just because I really didn't want to turn into this whiny person that I myself couldn't listen to. So I quit. I'm still not sure if it's me being this modern person not willing to work hard or I actually made the right decision and this job wasn't worth my time or energy. But I've been sleeping much better since the first thought of my new freedom.

Except that this isn't really freedom I ended up with. My mind's been flying amongst billions of new thoughts, ideas, wishes since then. All these things I want to do with my new 'free' time, couple of unfinished businesses since before ... It turns out I don't have that much time at all.
Yet, the constant pressure in the back of my head is slowly dissapearing. I know that a big part of it was me and my haunting past, but in search of new, future me, I find an unemployed beginning a better one than the one of staying with my first making-me-unhappy job. I should definitely work harder on other relationships in my life though. The family's, boyfriend's and especially relationship with myself. Because  no matter how many I, me or myself's I can put in one blog like this, I'm still not caring about and for myself the way I should. Now this is the hard work of all hard works.

I have a bit of a bad feeling about saying that, after all I seem to be repeating myself a lot. It's like my new mantra: work on your relationship with yourself. You might not be sure if your job, boyfriend or anything else is worth of that, but you can be sure you are. You must be worth everything to youself. So from helping dad, helping the rest of my family, helping anyone who could use some help, I came to the point of helping myself.

Although it's not my favorite book (I only read first part and then simply watched the movie) I do feel like 'Liss' from Eat, Pray, Love - it's been bad, gone worse and it feels just like the rock bottom, right before I'll head back up. Today's me is the worst-hairstyle-day me. My hair's only going to grow and look better from now on and so will I. And if I end up beautiful, in love with a Javier look a like in Bali, I promise I definitely won't complain about that.

Dreams

When my alarm went off this morning and I opened my eyes, two captured tear drops spilled out. I cried in my sleep. I remember one in the series of dreams was about a day at home, and the way dreams go many various stories went on simultaneously. But only one could be the one that made me cry. I had a fight with my family, facing first my sister, then mom and in the end my dad. I chose the right painful words for each one of them, like carefully directed blows. The look in dad's eyes was too real for dreams. Once again I hurt him most.

I don't remember ever crying in my sleep before.