Attitude Toward Alcohol

My attitude toward alcohol is far from 'normal', obviously. I am proud to say I was NEVER drunk enough to forget what happened on that day, I NEVER passed out or threw up. I had a hangover couple of times and that's all. But I like to have a glass of wine at dinner sometimes or go out for a beer, especially if I'm watching some sports game with friends. If I'm nervous I sometimes have a sip of something strongest I can get at that moment. Also I like to do that coming back home on a freeeeeezing winter night.

Until last year I never thought about this matter, I never thought about consequences of drinking whatever was in my glass, if I felt like it, I drank it. Today I'm a complete mess. Every single time I drink I ask myself why am I drinking.

I noticed I'm drinking just for mom to have some company at it - drinking with the only company of an alcoholic husband would probably make her feel ... I don't know, I guess really bad in some way or another. I also noticed that I have physical problems with drinking alcohol, like headaches or stomach ache even after drinking less than half scoop. Before I sometimes had a sudden desire of having a beer, let say when eating pizza, like the other night. I say before because that other night was months or even more than a year I last felt that desire.

I rarely feel like having a drink. I solely do it for someone or something (I still think it's good when you need to warm yourself fast or when you feel like you're going to catch a cold). And I never drink anything alcoholic without thinking twice about it. That, for me, is abnormal attitude towards alcohol.

If there's anyone reading this and got a bit of a bad feeling - and it wasn't about feeling bad for me - find some help! Probably I sound mostly negative but I did search for help myself and I know I'm getting better. I know I found good help and I know I could never do it alone.

There's absolutely no need for going through this alone - there is always someone who can help you, even if just by hearing what you fear to say.

Even just by reading what I couldn't say to you in person - you help me. THANK YOU!