I'm tired. Of everything.
Tired of being upset hearing dad's drunk talk. Tired of being hurt by his acting as if he isn't drunk. Tired of caring about it.
Tired of trying not to get affected by his state. Tired of trying not to think whether he is or isn't drunk. Tired of smelling it when I succeed in not thinking about it.
Tired of pausing my life in order to clean up the family mess. Tired of not wanting to fall in love so that I could give some time to myself. Tired of my family taking this time that should be mine.
Tired of forcing myself to think things through. Tired of trying to learn new ways. Tired of being able to let it go when things go well and not being able to let go when things go bad. Tired of things I can't change. Tired of wanting to change.
Tired of fighting.
Tired of crying.
Sometimes tired of laughing.
And of not knowing any other way.
